Not too long ago, if someone had asked me if I had been bullied, I would have said ‘No”. However, now to my surprise, I have to say ‘Yes’. This came as such a shock to me.
I have been bullied for years, and it has been so subtle, I never realized it. Maybe you have been too. The ones we usually think of are the bullies at school that push the kids down in the playground, or push themselves in front of you in the line at the grocery store. Sometimes, it’s the obnoxious person who bullies their way into your conversations and gatherings when you are out.
My son and daughter were bullied in school, and it wasn’t until much later that they told me about it. (Gosh, why do kids wait and not tell you when it is happening?) I’ve always felt so bad about not being there to help them, or ease their pain. (That is after all, what I want to do as a parent).
So, imagine my surprise when I realized that I have been bullied. For me, it was so subtle, a manipulation to get me to act, choose, and do what someone else wanted me to do. As long as I made those choices, I was accepted, loved.
This person would say, “Oh Delinda you can do anything you want, as long as you’re willing to work for it.” Sounds good right? Trust me, I have believed that my whole life. I like working hard, pushing through for a goal, and love seeing the results. The difference is, when this person would say that, there was more to it. I had to read between the lines.
“Delinda, you can do anything you want to do, as long as you’re willing to work for it… AND do what I think you should do”. That is totally different. As long as I made the ‘practical’ choices, the stable and safe choices, the ‘normal’, choices, then it was all OK.
When it came to making musical choices, well, that was different. I was told that music is fine for a hobby, something to enjoy. Music isn’t something you can make a living from, certainly not to base your life on. Ouch!
So no more. For me, I am saying Yes. Yes to me. Yes, to my talent. Yes, to the person God created me to be. Yes, to Him. His love is not contingent upon my choices, or answers to the questions.
His love knows no limits, no boundaries, has no contingencies. Hallelujah!
I choose to move on, and not be bullied any longer, and it feels great!