One of my greatness joys in life is being a mom. Bill and I are blessed with two great kids. They are both adults in their early 30s. They are very different, have different talents, ambitions, and attitudes toward life. We love them both equally, but differently. Does that ring true to you other parents?
My daughter was just here with us in Las Vegas for a few days, and it was so nice. She is getting ready to make some major changes in her life and wanted to come over and see Mom and Dad for a few days to relax, and talk, and just be.
So why am I writing this today? I think as parents it is in our nature to want to fix, to help, to guide, and heaven forbid, control the decisions of our adult children. Or, maybe it’s just me. I want to make them feel better, I don’t want them to be hurt, and of course with my experience I must know the right answers, right? Not. At least not for them and their life. I am finding that when I pull back and give them room to make their own choices, to allow them the freedom to take their journey, that is what truly helps them. Let’s face it, none of us like to be told what to do.
Here’s what I try to do now. Listen. Easy right? Sometimes it is and sometimes, not so much. I really focus on hearing what they are trying to tell me. In this case my daughter is planning to move. It is a big decision for her and she needs me, as the Mom, to listen, support, and believe in her. When she asks me a question, instead of telling her what to do, I try to ask her what she thinks, what choices does she see. Most of the time there is more than one answer, or way to do things. When we want change, whether it’s a move or something else, there are choices involved. When we ask questions they have a chance to process it themselves, and adapt it to their life and circumstances. It’s a wonderful way to see them grow, when I Listen.
We had a great visit, she went back to California to take the steps she needs to do for her changes. I believe in her, her ability to make good choices, and her resolve to make her life better, one step at a time. She may do it differently than I would, and that is OK. It is her life, her decisions to make, her choices.
As I think about it, this new approach just might work in the work place, on committees, in church meetings. We might learn something and hear new ideas if we listen.
Ummm, listen. Oh my, am I telling you what to do? How about, I choose to listen- how about you?
Enjoy your day!
QUESTION: Do you find that listening comes easy? In what area of your life would it help for you to listen more?
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